when she first tells you that it's time by LittleLottexo, literature
Literature
when she first tells you that it's time
when she first tells you that it's time for her to leave
you will walk into the forest
climb inside the hollowed sequoia you call home
and scrape away the rotting bark with your teeth
you will hum over the static of the geiger counter
test the carbon and nitrogen in the soil
and look for atrazine in the water
you will build a fire so warm
a fawn will come and rest by its side
she will not
you will wade out into the ocean, deep
past buoys and bottom trawling nets
to understand the need to stand still
when the waves remind you that no matter how far you stretch your legs
this is not your home
you will check to see if you planted enough mil
We caught butterflies in our eyelashes that night
Long woven traps of false intricacies
They were so beautiful
The way the sweat,
the heat of the night glistened off their lightly dusted wings.
The skies played symphonies in our heads
The constellations we traced in the grass
The blank slates lying in our fingertips waiting to be drawn
Maps lying up and down our legs
We sailed in the red waters, tasting the murky fog
weaving through our hair
between interlocked fingers
through the tear ducts of our eyes
came the sharp taste on the tip of your tongue.
I liked the way you looked at me
As if the dry sands spraying in my throat could cease
The
You are the small droplets of splattered paint that were never meant to be but somehow hold everlasting beauty
You are the crooked zipper that took a few extra tugs but always came through in the end, interlocking two sides perfectly.
You are the euphoric thought that rushes through my head at the best of times and the worst of times, that knot in the back of my throat choking my words, the crack in the ground that catches my eye I've suddenly collided with because I've fallen without the least possible thought.
You are flawless.
You are everything I want to be, everything I want to have in my grasps.
You are the dirt under my fingernail
My darling,
I miss the way shadows caressed your face
And spiders wove secrets into your eyelashes,
The way your lips always spelled out sanctuary,
And your eyes like keyholes into forgotten love.
I told you I would never give you my heart,
But the beating has faded,
And my rib cage is hollow,
Empty of all but whispering piano keys.
The first time my heart spilled out,
I gave my left ventricle to my mother
to try and ease her pain
After my father stole away my aorta
so that he could always get to me.
My right atrium went to a soul sister
Who was lost along the way,
And a few pulmonary arteries
to the boy down the street with
I remember the first time you held me,
Ribbons wrapped around my fingers
like snakes tied to your heart strings,
Chains of pearls draped from your eyes,
knots between each one
so if the string breaks,
only one pearl falls.
Whoa whoa, rewind.
I am not a kid anymore,
And you are not my wall
You cannot hide me
There are cracks in your façade,
and your foundation is crumbling.
But I still
remember standing in your living room
as a little girl,
Hands clutching leaves,
wishing we were trees,
roots firmly in the ground,
twisting into each other,
But autumn came to quickly.
This,
is not a game anymore.
We cannot pretend to
Dum da dum
Dum da dum
I'm listening for heart beats in shadows
That jump out at me like
the violets your numb hands ripped out from the earth.
I'm reaching for a hint of my reflection in you,
Perfection in you,
That won't ever be found.
I'm waiting for you somewhere
Lying under pianos
And drinking in the cold harsh music
Ringing out from the vibrations
You're still trying to rub the taste
of that biting whiskey your father left you
off the roof of your mouth.
It was the only kind you could get your hands on,
so we learned to trace new picture frames
on the empty walls we drew
with dust covered fingertips
I always knew you w
I do not really know. by LittleLottexo, literature
Literature
I do not really know.
I am the girl at the top of the stairs,
Watching you unfold beneath me,
Wishing my legs could bend to meet you
I am the girl whispering to trembling trees
Why,
why,
why,
But not even they can answer;
only whisper the deepest of secrets into my ear
through shivering leaves and wind chimes
I am the girl who cradles your picture
in the palms of my hands
with the driftwood we found
that lost evening, still
buzzing in my ears
with the words
Don't cry
It's okay to cry
She's still in your heart
I'm humming softly,
Holding my hand to your image,
Waiting for the vibrations
That will etch your face onto the canvas,
Once again.
I'm whispering softly,
Rebounding memories off of stained glass windows
Into interlocked fingers and swing sets
On the darkest of nights,
Inhaling august wind
And exhaling the moments we almost tangled
If only not,
Interrupted.
I'm speaking softly,
Trading glances for words
Still savoring each moment our hands brushed
And our eyes danced
Early across dew covered blades of grass
As we whispered good morning to the sun,
And good night to our secrets.
I'm singing softly,
Listening for your voice
I,
had a dream.
You,
you were pure.
Untouched.
You,
you were.
But you aren't
Because the waters ran clean
And raised up near the shores
But never crashed.
You, you weren't.
But you are.
I wanted to.
I wanted to dive
Stretch my long finned tail.
Dive into the dark waters.
But the currents were pure,
And I was not.
I didn't understand.
We coexisted,
But at two different times.
You were but a figment
In my confused mind.
Because what is, wasn't.
But what was, is.
And the murky waters I want to be a part of
Are pure, pure, pure.
Summers wind.
Doesn't mix.
With the ice of winter.
But yet you were,
And I wasn't.
The